Daniel

I can't believe that a month from today this baby, MY BABY, will be five years old. 

He saves me every day. 

A true testament to children being born with a certain special something. A gift. Something you can't quite put your finger on...something that doesn't have a name...but something all the same. 

He intrigues and delights, both me and total strangers, with his unique perspective on the world around him. And his signature facial expressions.

He asked me this morning if he'll still be able to fart in Heaven and before I could answer, proclaimed, "Because I am NOT gonna die if I can't fart anymore!"  

That's my Daniel. He calls the shots. 

"Do I have school this day?" "Can we go to the park this day?" "There are none bread." "May you please make me chocolate milk?" 

I love the way he speaks. Like he's waiting on his green card.  It's so adorable that I don't dare correct him. I want it to last. Dear God, let it last...a few more weeks, a few more months, another year. 

Keep him sweet. Keep him kind. Keep him good. 

He feels the energy around him the way I do and soaks up everyone's feelings the way I do. He is smart and sensitive and he doesn't take anyone's shit. 

He is his Mama's boy. 

I worry about his heart since it mirrors my own.

Someday the world is going to demand more of him than he thinks he can give. I hope I can guide him to grow and know who he was meant to be.

I'm confident this boy is going to grow up and make the world a better place. He is destined for great things. I feel it in my bones and I've seen it in his eyes. 

My little lovebug. It's going way too fast.

 

  

 
 

Missed me, missed me, now you gotta' kiss me!

You did miss me, right? 

It's been two months to the date since my last post. It's been a busy, busy, busy 8 weeks. I knew I'd be fairly absent from my little slice of the world wide web this summer, but I had planned to post AT LEAST once a week. As you can see, that didn't happen. We've been busy learning about birds and bugs and science and so many other fun things. There's just a few short weeks of summer left and so many things left on the Summer 2012 Bucket List that we haven't been able to cross off yet. 

Are you ready to ship your kids back off to school? Or are you crazy like me and wish you could keep them at home forever? I hope your summer's been eventful, happy and healthy so far. xx

 

True Love

O.M.G. I am in love. Brookside Dark Chocolate Acai with Blueberry. You won't be sorry.

enough. is. enough.

"What a draaaag it is", croons Mick Jagger, "getting oooold..."

It's been in my head for a week. You see, today is my birthday. My 29th birthday. There's something about 29 that sounds so much older than 28 and not just because it's another year closer (okay, just one year away) to the big 3-0. 26 didn't feel so bad. 27 felt really bad. 28 was okay. 29 feels bad. Really bad. Maybe it's an odd number thing?

I don't dare post my distaste for 29 as a Facebook status. Everyone over the age of 29 will immediately jump down my throat with their unwanted comments. As silly as it may sound, to be depressed over turning 29, it's the way I feel and I'm entitled to it. So there. 

Most women have a problem with aging for two reasons. The first is sagging breasts, jiggly underarms or that hair you discover on a fluke. That hair you can't believe was as long as it was and growing on your face. You know that hair. 

The second reason is the mile high pile of expectations that teeters on the tops of our shoulders. We tell ourselves, "By this point in time in my life, I should have done, this, this and this. Oh and that." Been married, gotten pregnant, been promoted, bought a house, been to Aruba, insert your unmet expectation of yourself here. 

It's unmet expectations that are making 29 hard for me.

The thought of them is destroying my happiness. My own self-worth. My contentment. My self-respect.

Maybe I need to let go of some of those expectations. Maybe I need to work harder towards some of them. Maybe I need to meet myself in the middle. 

We get but "one wild and precious life" (Mary Oliver). I want mine to be full. I want it to be rewarding. I want it to be enough. I want to feel like I'm enough. 

My whole life I've never felt like I was. I wasn't the son my father wanted, I couldn't make my Mom happy when she was sad, I couldn't grasp the concept of long division and so many other things. I never felt smart enough, or strong enough, or good enough, the way I was.

I thought I'd be the girl to grow up and change the world. As it turns out, I can't even change myself. Or the way I think. Or how I react.

I think my life will really start if I can just believe that I'm enough. When I know it for sure, deep down in my bones, in my belly, in my heart - when I know that I AM ENOUGH - then maybe I can embrace the passing years, let go, be unafraid - maybe then I can celebrate myself.

The Journey by Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,

though the voices around you

kept shouting

their bad advice--

though the whole house

began to tremble

and you felt the old tug

at your ankles.

"Mend my life!"

each voice cried.

But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do,

though the wind pried

with its stiff fingers

at the very foundations,

though their melancholy

was terrible.

It was already late

enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen

branches and stones.

But little by little,

as you left their voices behind,

the stars began to burn

through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice

which you slowly

recognized as your own,

that kept you company

as you strode deeper and deeper

into the world,

determined to do

the only thing you could do--

determined to save
the only life you could save. 

How To Not Raise A Big, Spoiled Rotten Brat

How To Not Raise A Big, Spoiled Rotten Brat

(Or Die Trying Not To)

No one likes saying no to their kids. We want our kids to be happy, we want them to have what they want, we want to give them the very best. But being a "Yes Mom" can backfire on you. Big time. Little spoiled rotten people grow up to be big spoiled rotten people and we know this because we all know adults who have a sense of entitlement and are not self-sufficient. Instead of raising a child who is confident, successful, compassionate and hard-working, you'll end up with one of "those people" who only remain on your facebook friends list because of their ridiculous, unintentionally hilarious status updates. 

 My little "brats"

Here are some tips on how to not raise a big, spoiled rotten brat...or die trying not to...

1. Just Say NO!

Always giving your child what they want or giving into what they want, gives your child a really poor image about life...that you always get what you want, no matter what, just because it's what you want. Unfortunately, we all know that's not the case. Your child isn't learning what it is to be disappointed or how to handle that feeling and if you think about disappointment (and the way you respond to it) is a huge part of life. When you do say no, mean it and don't cave. Giving into tantrums happens to us all once in a while. When it happens routinely you're teaching your child that all they need to do is cry and whine to get what they want. If that were true I'd have everything my heart desires as I'm really good at making a lot of noise. 

2. Reward The Right Way

Many parents think they are rewarding their children when what they're really doing in bribing them (don't get me wrong--bribery does have a role in parenting--but certainly not on a daily basis!). If you say, "If you do this, I will give you this.", that's not a reward system, that's bribery. A reward should be something special for something good that was done that didn't require prompting, prodding and promising. 

3. Newton's 3rd Law: "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction."

Kids don't realize that everything they do, good or bad, has a consequence and that what they do, good or bad, effects other people. Set clear rules for your child regarding the behavior you expect them to exhibit and have consequences when they don't meet your expectations. There has to be discipline. Try to always reinforce good behavior with praise. It's easy to focus on the negative. Sometimes kids will choose negative attention over no attention at all. Emphasize the positive!

4. All kids, even as young as 2, are capable of, and should be expected to do, chores. Teach your child that we all have responsibilities in life and that each member of the family needs to contribute to taking care of the house and each other. Praise your child for a job well done. It will make them feel good and it will make them feel important...and in the end, that's what everyone wants, to feel important. 

Sites I Heart

I'm often asked about what sites I recommend for this or that. Here's a list, in no particular order, of sites I love. Sites I find fun, useful and informative as a mama.

*I love learning of great sites, if you have a site you love that you think I'd love too, please leave a comment and share it with my readers and I.*

Family Fun

Fact Monster

Baby Center  

Bible Gateway


National Geographic Kids

National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences

The Idea Box

American Sign Language 


Moms Club

Smithsonian For Students

No Time For Flash Cards

Parentables

Show Kids The Fun

Cafe Mom

The Natural Child Project

5 Minutes For Mom


ABC Mouse


Savvy Source


Productive Parenting

Craft Cafe

PBS Kids

Starfall  

Letter to my 17 Year Old Self

If you had the chance to share some words of wisdom with your 17 year old self, what would you say?

I often wish that Future Me could pay me a visit, give me some direction and share a glimpse of what lies ahead. I'm fairly certain that if my 17 year old self could pop in and check out her future, she wouldn't believe her eyes.

Dear 17 Year Old Self,

This is weird, right? I'm sure you have a lot of questions for me. I can't answer very much for you. Most things you're just going to have to wait to find out on your own.

I already know the first thing on your mind and since it's the most important thing to you right now and the least important of what you actually need to know, I'll tell you:

No, you never have sex with Jack Reilly. Or hold his hand. Or meet his Mom.

I know. I'm sorry. If it makes you feel any better, it won't matter in a year anyway. Honest.

I do have good news. You graduate high school! Come on...you could act a little more enthusiastic about that! Especially since no one else thinks you will, not even you. But you do and if I could go back and do it all over for us, I would -- in a heart beat.

I'm going to tell you something that's really going to blow your mind....ya ready?

You have two kids.

Both boys and they're AMAZING.

Relax. You're really good at being a Mom.

Now if that wasn't enough to send you into total shock, I'm going to tell you who their father is. You'd better sit down for this one...

You know Shannon Nagel's boyfriend, Ray??

Nooo, not him. His brother. No, the other brother, Larry.  I'm not kidding. I swear to God.

I know...I don't even understand it. It's all good. Promise.

I think you've had enough to hold you over. Like I said, some things you're going to have to wait to find out on your own. I do have some advice for you and I really, really hope you'll take it. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about...

1. Get off your ass and start exercising. Right now you think you'll be healthier in the future. That couldn't be further from the truth.

2. Stop smoking. PLEASE. In the future our teeth are yellow and we always have phlegm and it's awful. And we can't stop doing it. The one thing I can honestly say I'd do over for us is that I never would have lit that first cigarette.

3. Save your money. We're broke as shit in the future. All the CD's you're spending $20+ on will be $5 or less at Walmart and in the future no one uses CD's anyway. Oh yeah, Cape May County gets a Walmart. Don't tell anyone. You don't want to ruin the surprise.

4. Do not apply for your first credit card until you are 30. And if you do, don't apply for 8 more after that.

5. Don't take any drugs that you can't immediately pick from the ground and smoke or ingest for the desired effect. Everything else is bad. Despite what you think now, it's true what they say, drugs are bad.

6. Get your friggin' driver's license. In the future we STILL don't drive and we're really lame because of it.

7. Enjoy your friendships now. In the future everyone changes, including you, and for the most part, the bonds won't withstand the test of time.

8. Chill out and calm down. Don't obsess about stuff you have no control over, don't overthink, don't get so angry. None of it is worth it. Life is too short to be anything but happy.

9. Don't stop writing. I wish I could tell you we're on the NY Times Best Seller's list in the future, but we're not. Do it because it's what you love. Do it because you want to. Do it for you.

10. We're going to make a lot of mistakes, I can't save us from them. Learn from them. Grow because of them. Embrace them. They'll make us who we are today.

I love you. I wish you'd love yourself. Remember what Sister Angeline always said: "Good, better, best...never let it rest, until your good is your better and your better is your best."

xoxo,
Older You

P.S. - There's something you need to invent. It's called a Pillow Pet. It's a pillow, it's a pet...it's a Pillow Pet. We'll be friggin' rich.

Another first under our belts...

"My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,

Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small

You never have to carry more than you can hold,

And while you're out there getting where you're getting to, 

I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too...

Yeah, this, is my wish." 

- Rascal Flatts

He woke up just after 7. He was in a good mood. He wanted to watch Little Einsteins and have some toast for breakfast. Sometime between the day before yesterday and today, the bread went bed, so I made him a bagel. It wasn't to his liking, so then I made him an english muffin, which by the grace of God, satisfied him. 

He built a pirate ship with his blocks. I got him washed and brushed and dressed. He insisted his shirt made him look fat, but didn't request a different one. He asked me 10,000 times when it was time to go to the bus stop. 


Sean was more than ready for his first day of Kindergarten. 

I was the one having major some issues.

I hated putting him on that bus, saying goodbye, knowing I wouldn't see him for the entire day. I've had the privilege of being with him every day, all day for the past 5 years. He went to preschool last year, but he was gone a total of 3 hours and even that was a huge adjustment.


Imagine walking around all day without your right arm. You could manage, you could get around ok...but it would be a challenge, it would be uncomfortable. That's how I felt all day today. A huge important part of me was missing and as crazy as he drives me at times, I found it hard to function without him.


I fretted all day about whether or not he was okay. If he'd have trouble in the bathroom, if he'd eat his lunch...if he'd find the smell of the chicken nuggets offensive and have a meltdown in the cafeteria. Maybe it's because I'm a control freak, but I hate not knowing what goes on in every minute of his day.

I managed not to start crying until after he was on the bus and driving away. Every fiber of my being wanted to scoop him up and bring him home.



Being a Mom involves a lot of goodbyes...from the moment your child leaves your womb until they grow up and leave your house, it's one goodbye after another. I feel like I'm saying goodbye to him everyday...with each new accomplishment I say goodbye to a little piece of him that was and meet more of the boy he's becoming. 

Dear God, it's all happening too fast. Help me to slow myself down and remember just how precious each day is.

The Circus of The Scars...

It's that time of year again. You know the end of summer is drawing near when you start seeing signs staked in the ground around town advertising the coming of the Cole Bros. Circus. The Circus of The Stars. 

The Cole Bros. Circus, who boast they are the largest circus under the big top, has been rolling into Cape May County for as long as I can remember. I've been to the circus a number of times in my life, most recently this time last year when The Cole Bros Circus came to Rio Grande and I brought my boys to see it for the second year in a row. 

We had a fun family night the year prior and were looking forward to the boys being a little older and a little better able to appreciate and enjoy the circus experience more.

What ended up happening took me completely off guard. 

I started to feel really uncomfortable and not because of the heat and the stench. I started to realize that what we were watching wasn't entertaining at all. It was unnatural. And wrong.

I should tell you that while I love animals and believe they should be treated with love and respect, I'm not some big animal rights activist. True, I don't wear fur, not because of the death of animals, but because I cant' afford fur. I enjoy a good hamburger. I don't read the label of my shampoo to ensure it wasn't tested on rabbits. When I think of animal neglect and abuse I think mostly of house pets, dogs and cats. 

This was not my first time to the circus, but it was the first time I had given any real thought as to what was going on in front of me. They brought out a dozen or so tigers in tiny cages and I sat there and thought, "This is just wrong. An animal of that magnitude doesn't belong in a cage, let alone a cage that small." When it was time for the tigers to leave their respective cages, a circus hand used a long stick to poke the animal on the back side to signal it to move. If it didn't move, it was poked again. 

We watched as the tigers made their rounds, jumping up here, standing there. Each time a tiger hesitated, didn't do what it was supposed to do at the exact time it was supposed to do it, someone cracked a whip near it. Or poked it with a stick. Stacking tiger on top of tiger.

I started wondering what it would take to train a huge, powerful animal like a tiger to stand on another tigers shoulders and then let another tiger stand on it's shoulders. 

It became pretty clear that there was probably more going on behind the scenes than cracking a whip in the tigers direction or giving them a nudge with a stick. 

When they lit the ring of fire is when I really lost it. I watched the first of these magnificent wild creatures back away from the fire...and as soon as it did, someone cracked the whip. The tiger approached the ring again and then backed away again. Finally it jumped through.

There's a reason for this: Animals, by instinct, are afraid of fire. 

It occurred to me how wrong it was for all of us to be sitting there watching tigers jump through fire and be entertained by it. It suddenly felt wrong and weird and unnatural.  

If my neighbors were in their backyard, "training" their dog to jump through a ring of fire, I would not be okay with it, why should I be okay with it happening with another animal? I shouldn't. That's what I decided right then and there. I shouldn't be and I wouldn't be and we left.

Bears don't ride bikes, elephants don't go around balancing on one leg and tigers don't jump through rings of fire for shits and giggles. It just isn't right. And that isn't taking into consideration the training process used in order to achieve these results for performance or the traveling and living conditions these animals endure. 

Trainers often use whips, bullhooks, electric prods and other painful tools to force animals to "learn" tricks. When animals are not performing (which is the majority of the time, between shows and traveling between venues), they're kept in cramped cages with little monitoring. 

We won't be going to the circus this year. Or ever again. Like any Mom, I want to raise my kids to be strong, confident and compassionate. I want them to understand that the choices we make affect others in profound ways. I want them to understand that it's never okay to harm (or support others who harm) those who are defenseless. I want to raise my kids to have respect, for themselves, for other people and for animals.

If I want my kids to see some unnatural and just plain wrong things, we'll sit outside the Villas Wawa for awhile. Now that's entertainment!

My hope is that at least one other mother will be sitting in the crowd tomorrow night and suddenly realize the circus isn't where she wants her family to be. I'm glad it happened to me.

I joined the MOB.

M.O.B. Society, a blog by Moms of Boys for Moms of Boys, is hosting their very First Annual Boy Mom BlogHop, and I'm jumping (or hopping?) on board.



If this is your first time here at my little corner of the web, welcome! Bonus points if you brought Prozac with you. I get a lot of hits from folks searching Google looking for places to buy Prozac online. If that's how you found me, your on the wrong page, Sister. 

I'm not on Prozac...though I probably should be. It will be a miracle if I make it through the journey that is motherhood without some type of ongoing  medical intervention in the form of a prescription. (For instance, my oldest just broke his arm this week...for the 2ND TIME in 4 months.)

I'm Erin, Mom to two of the most incredible little boys the world has ever known. Daniel turned 3 in March and Sean will be 5 next month. They're 19 months apart. I could tell you that I loved being a mom so much, that I couldn't wait to get pregnant again when my first little guy was only 9 months old. But that would be a lie. It wasn't part of my plan, but it was part of God's plan. I wouldn't trade my life with anyone for anything. Even on my worst day when I'm ready to run screaming from the house, I thank God for choosing me to be their Mom. 

I'm fairly new to the blogging world, I blog about my life as a mom, couponing, cooking and all sorts of other "stuff". 

I write here at Pass The Prozac and also for Cape May County Moms, a website for local Moms by local Moms.

Here is a recent picture of my precious baby boys, getting ready for an afternoon of puddle jumping: 

And no, they don't generally wear matching clothes. It just so happened to be Dinosaur Day at our house and they just so happen to both have that shirt. :) 

Puddle jumping is one of my favorite things to do with my boys. How much more BOY can you get than playing in the rain and jumping in mud puddles? 

Looking forward to meeting other M.O.B.'s! Leave a comment and tell me your favorite thing to do with your boys. 

Thanks for stopping by! :) 

Ya'll...

I don't have to tell ya'll that life is crazy and busy.

But ya'll...life is crazy. And busy. 

And I don't have to tell you that sometimes it just plain old sucks. Because we've all been there. Sometimes it doesn't go the way it's supposed to...or the way we think it's supposed to. Sometimes it's just all too much at once.

Sometimes your rabbit dies...and your dryer explodes...and your bank account goes in the negative...and your kid breaks his arm for the second time in 4 months...

And sometimes if you're really special...it all happens in the same week. 

God has this all mapped out, it's all part of his plan. 

But I'll be damned if I can figure out what his plan is.

Maybe that's the point.

I'm here. I'm dealing. I'm breathing. I'm praying.

Thanks for sticking around. :) 

Remember

“If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them. Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.” The Crow
When I was a little girl, I played library with my books. I cut up little slips of paper and wrote my name on them. Each slip had a number and each book had a slip. I kept a list of all my books and their numbers on a sheet of lined paper on my bookshelf. There was a spot next to each title on the list, where I could write the name of who ever I loaned a book to. Not that anyone ever borrowed my books.

I was lonely then as I find myself tonight. I wish I could summon the innocence of that little girl. Back then I had all these ideas about life. I thought that destiny was tangible, that everything you wanted you would eventually receive, that fate was a force that worked with you, for you and not against you.  That everyone got a happily ever after.

I’ve lost so many people I love since then. People who didn’t live to see their happily ever after. People who deserve to be here.  People who still had places to go and people to meet and lives to change. People my boys will never know or never remember.

Pictures and memories are all I can offer my boys of these people.

This is Grandmom Anne. She would have loved you so much! She liked to do puzzles too, just like you do.  She loved watching the birds. Cardinals were her favorites, she liked blue jays too. When she was a little girl, she could sing and dance just like Shirley Temple. Grandmom Anne made the best iced tea the world has ever known. She was the bravest woman I’ve ever known.”

“What made her so brave, Mom?” Sean asks.

Her parents were alcoholics. She once worked in a hot factory rolling cigars for hours on end. She lost the great love of her life when her babies were small. She worked hard, so hard and did it all on her own. She was made of something powerful, she was indestructible, she was inspiring, she was...


“She used to feed the squirrels cookies right from her hand.” I tell him.

“Wow…you’re right, Mom. She was really brave.”



"Mom, tell me again about when Aunt Peggy took me to the beach.”

“Aunt Peggy took you and Kevin to the beach.” I tell him.  “You played games in the arcade. You told Aunt Peggy the sea gulls made you nervous and she thought that was really funny.”

“And she let me have soda , Mom. Remember she let me have soda?”

“Yes Buddy, she let you have soda.”

“And remember she always called kisses “smoochies” instead of kisses?”

“I remember, Bud.” I tell him. 

“Yeah…I remember too.”

But some day...some day he won’t remember. 

I’ll remind him.

It’s my job to keep everyone alive.

The Philosophy of Charles Schultz

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the Peanuts comic strip. 

There's a lot of wisdom to be found in the Peanuts.

Answer the following:

1) Name the five wealthiest people in the world.


2) Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3) Name the last five winners of the Miss America Pageant.


4) Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5) Name the last five Academy Award Winners for best actor and actress.

6) Name the last decades worth of World's Series Winners.


My responses?

1) Bill Gates, some guy in India I saw on 20/20...

2) Heisman trophy? That's football, right? (Right?)

3) Umm...


4) Jimmy Carter, Toni Morrison and Elie Wiesel have all won Nobel Prizes. They're the only three I can think of. 


5) Honest to God, I have no idea.


6) Yankees, Red Sox, Phillies...


How did you do?


The point is that none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. They are  the best in their fields, but applause fades, awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. 

Now see how you do on this one:


1) Name five teachers who helped you on your journey through school.


2) Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.


3) Name five people you enjoy spending time with.


4) Name five people who you can lean on during a difficult time.


5) Name five people who have changed your life. 

I'm willing to bet that was a lot easier.


The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most certificates on the wall or the most money in the bank...they are the ones that care. The ones that came in and never left, no matter what.

I'm so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life and so thankful that my kids do too. 



"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia." - Charles Schultz

Doing The Mom Thing

Stay-at-home Mom, Housewife, Cinderella…whatever you want to call me…I’m growing weary of who I am, of all that I do and the constant reminder of what I don’t.

My father actually said to me once, “What is it you do all day?”

I sit on my ass and eat bon-bon’s all day, Dad. That’s what I do.

I just laughed and walked away…because when it comes to Frank, sometimes all you can do is laugh and walk away.

I ran into an old friend from high school at the store awhile back, we exchanged pleasantries and she filled me in on her college educated, kid-free, exciting life.

“So, what are you up to? Where do you work?”

The dreaded question.

I gave the same response I always give whenever anyone asks me what I’ve been up to or where I work: “I’m just doing the Mom thing. For now anyway.”

I wish that “doing the Mom thing” were as easy as it sounds. I always feel the need to add the “For now anyway.” Like I need people to know that I do intend to rejoin the workforce at some point in time. I sometimes feel guilty or less than because I don’t work.

“That’s……awesome. You must be bored to death though….”

That’s what she said. That I must be bored to death.

Yeah. I’m so bored sometimes I just sit and cry. It’s great because the kids have this auto-pilot switch that I flip and then they can just do everything on their own. They hardly need me for anything. I just sit back and relax all day. Paint my toenails. Watch the soaps. I’ve even got the little one calling the insurance company and making his big brother’s doctors appointments. It’s great.

That’s what I could have said. Instead I just laughed and said, “I wish.” Told her it was great to see her and walked away.

I’ve learned in life that sometimes you just have to walk away.

I could explain the AM rush of waking, washing, breakfasting, dressing, brushing, backpacking and bus stopping.

The piles of laundry that grow like mold. How there’s always more laundry, no matter how much laundry I do.

How someone’s always thirsty, hungry, cranky, coughy, sneezy, angry or some other form of uncomfortable or upset.

I could explain the afternoons of sweeping and lunches and snacks and meltdowns and putting shoes on and taking shoes off and time-outs and sweeping and meltdowns. And more sweeping. And more meltdowns.

I could explain all about the job I have, the work I do, but unless you’re doing it too, you wouldn’t understand.

This job where you’re on call 24/7. This job where there’s no breaks. No vacations. And no paycheck.

This job where so much is expected of me and I can’t ever be enough.

I need more hands. And arms and legs.

And brooms.

There’s always a want, a need, a nose, a mouth, a missing shoe or puzzle piece. A diaper or battery that needs changing.

I’m always out of milk or bread or patience or time.

Some times I collapse at the end of the day. Only to wake up and start all over again.

This job is never ending.

A friend said, “I don’t know how you do it.” The truth is, some days, I don’t either. Some days I want to run screaming from the house. Some days I want to tell my boss to take this job and shove it. And then I remember that I am the boss. And that I work with the two most amazing little people the world has ever known. Little people who I’m quite certain will grow up to change the world. They way they’ve changed me.

I complain, mostly to myself, about cooking and cleaning and laundry and crying kids…but the truth is: I love this job.

The truth is: It’s all I ever really wanted to do.

When I was 4 or 5 I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. At 6 I decided I wanted to be a nun. (You can totally see me as a nun, right?) Sister Regina Angeline was a nun and a teacher and I figured she had the best of both worlds.

In 5^th grade I fell in love with both Billy Smeltzer and Patrick Swayze and decided that being a nun was out.

Throughout school all I ever really thought about being when I grew up was a teacher. I was fortunate to have a lot of amazing teachers who inspired me to want do to their job just because they themselves were so awesome. I also had a few teachers who really sucked. And they inspired me to want to teach too. To be better then they were. To be the kind of teacher who’s remembered by their students long after they’ve left the classroom. The kind of teacher that teaches you about yourself.

I always pictured myself growing up to be a teacher, but I also always pictured myself growing up to be a Mom. There was never a time, not even as a teenager, that I didn’t want to have kids. I just always sort of knew I’d be a Mom.

And now I am. And there’s some days where it still blows my mind.

I am what I wanted to be when I grew up. How many people can say that? Not too many.

I’m not sure about being a teacher anymore. I want to be a writer. I want to design jewelry and hock it on QVC. I want to help people. To make a difference. I’m 28 years old and I’m not sure what I want to be now that I’m a Mom and “a grown up”. I’ll figure it all out soon enough, but for now, I’m just doing the Mom thing.

That’s my job. I don’t ever want to quit.